Learn Your Partner’s Love Language to Easily Communicate and Avoid Endless Arguments
Have you ever found yourself in your relationship not getting the love that you want in the form you are expecting?
You’re not alone, and this issue is something that I coach my clients on so I know exactly how you feel.
There’s a reason why…let me explain, in order to communicate in your relationship where you’re both feeling loved and accepted it’s important to realize that it goes beyond just speaking kindly with each other or avoiding arguments. There’s a special language that I use with my clients, and it’s called – The Love Language.
In couples counseling the term of Love Language is more than renowned. It is based on the 5 Love Languages of Dr. Gary Chapman, author, speaker and counselor.
These 5 Love Languages are:
1) Words of Affirmation
2) Physical touch
3) Acts of service (devotion)
4) Gift giving
5) Quality time
The Key to Having Better Communication is Knowing What Your Partner’s Love Language…
Everybody has his or her primary Love Language which is the most important way to communicate to your partner where they feel loved, adored, and respected. Therefore, I would like to invite you to discover:
what means I LOVE YOU to your partner – and do it!
Here’s What You Can Do To Create Loving and Effective Communication…
Sit down with your partner and ask him or her what I LOVE YOU really means, to them? Take the time, be curious and listen with your full attention, because this information might really be a surprise to you and a huge step forward for your relationship.
By asking your partner this, you have the chance to understand what is really important for him or her! Sometimes, we think we know what fuels our partner as we think about what would be good for us. Yet – one crucial fact we have to be aware of in any relationship is – your partner is not YOU!
So, to really be able to communicate efficiently as a couple it is essential to talk the same language by appreciating our diversity and the other one’s world around his or her Love Language. It’s like if you were speaking French and your partner is speaking German you wouldn’t be able to communicate with each other unless you were to learn their language.
If you learn to communicate this way with your partner, in the sense of: “I know. I care, I am with you. How can I help?” (Dr. Gary Chapman) This open-hearted perspective allows us to have a deeper view into our counterparts’ world – where he or she is coming from concerning any aspects of life.
How your partner perceives their Love Language is determined by their upbringing and by their culture. This is where our experiences have begun.
You may see here already the potential of misunderstandings and misinterpretations. And if you live in a bicultural / international relationship, you might have learned even more differently, what love is supposed to be, based on your cultural experience.
We all, subconsciously, tend to give what we perceive as love. In the following step, there might be also the likelihood of mutual disappointment of not getting the response of the shown love, on one hand and on the other hand, of not receiving the love which is needed. In essence, both might feel quite unloved, even it’s all about love. So, a simple well-meant gesture can turn into an immense issue.
Let’s say your partner grew up with giving gifts as a gesture of love and you grew up perceiving love with someone saying “I love you or you did a great job!”
In both of these examples each person felt loved and appreciated.
In order to understand each other in how you want to be loved it’s your responsibility to know what specifically love means to your partner and to yourself so that you can communicate in a way where you both feel appreciated.
This is where it can get tricky because it’s like riding a bike at first. You need to start with training wheels until you get comfortable doing it on your own. That’s why many couples hire me when they feel their communication is off and disagreements are happening more frequent.
If you’re feeling stuck in your relationship, I’ve created a LOVE LANGUAGE DISCOVERY TOOL to help you to better communicate with your partner. I’ve also included a video that you can watch that explains more on what a Love Language is for you and your partner.
If you have any questions let me know and I will be happy to walk you through the process on a free 30 min. Love Language Discovery Session done by phone or SKYPE.
Anja Dittmeier is Founder of kAleiDoscope Coaching & Counseling. Anja coaches and provides counseling for her clients in German and English. She graduated with an M.A. in education, psychology and theology, and works with her clients on the question why some people’s careers flourish while others are not able to overcome obstacles with the same ease. How did we become who we are? Anja Dittmeier is specialized in interpersonal relationships and studied its causes and underlying mechanisms of it.