Happy Holidays

How to avoid endless arguments during the stressful holiday season?

We all love the Holiday Season and Christmas. Yet it goes along with loads of effort, work and arrangements to be made and being so close to our loved ones can lead to stress and disharmony. So, how can You as a couple avoid ending up in countless arguments? The respond is: “You manage this best as a respectful and harmonious team.” This guides to the principal and imperative question of…

What contributes to a respectful and harmonious relationship?

 

What contributes to a respectful and harmonious relationship?

This is a question I get asked quite frequently. Here is my answer:

A respectful and harmonious relationship starts with you and your partner being a true team.

So, what defines a team?
Well, in German, we sometimes jokingly refer to the fact that the acronym TEAM stands for ‘Toll Ein Anderer Macht’s! – meaning: “Wonderful, someone else is taking care of it;” which means passing on responsibility. Sometimes when couples are seeking my help, I notice that a contentious issue in many relationships is taking on responsibility or the lack thereof.

At least one partner demands the other one to be convenient and to be accommodating to their counterpart’s needs. However, being in a relationship requires both spouses to be willing to take on responsibility for the relationship.

 

What does being willing to take on responsibility mean for the relationship?

First, it entails both partners being conscious of in which ways they are affecting each other. This requires consideration for the emotional state of one’s counterpart: “What can I do for you? How can I help you to ease your path of life?” Second, this ability requires another awareness and insight: We all have responsibility for ourselves. The inner relationship we have with ourselves determines how much we value ourselves and how accepting we are of ourselves. Our partner can support us in this quest for ourselves – however, they cannot take on this quest for us! Because in a true team of shared responsibilities, it is imperative that both sides take care of themselves in order to be a sensitive asset for the other one.

 

What can both of you do to be a happy and strong couple?

Here is my tip for you:

The very No.1 element is, to see yourself as who you are! Write a list of positive adjectives that you associate with yourself! Conclude this list with the written statement: “I deeply and completely love and respect myself.” If this is too difficult write: “I appreciate myself the way I am!”

No.2 is, put this list of positive things some place up around your house where you can see it every day, e.g. on your mirror and read it out loud, while smiling at yourself in the mirror! :)

No.3 is, appreciating your partner every day by saying: ”One thing I appreciate about you is…“ Your partner is then asked to mirror this token of appreciation. Mirroring is an important tool, by which you repeat word by word what you have heard. It gives the sender the possibility to hear again what was said and for the receiver to share what was understood. To learn more about this concept of mirroring, please watch my video on Facebook.

Now, you have a good foundation to make the holiday season a lovely time for you and your partner. In order to deepen this foundation, sign up for your Free Gift for Couples here.

And, I would like to invite you to share your insights here on this blog. I am also always glad to answer questions or respond to concerns. Please contact me here.

Best wishes,

Anja